Love and Life

Who said love isn't life

Who said love doesn't count

Who thinks life's good without love

Who thinks life's better without love

Who thinks life's best without love

What's the real essence of life

I'll tell you the essence of life

It's in the presence of love

It's in the ability to be oneself

The ability to figure oneself out

The ability to find peace within oneself

That's what love does

Love does give great pleasure

Love also causes great hurt

But, love never lies

It speaks for itself

It cannot be hid

Love shows itself forth always

Yes!

Love is in the heart

Love is also in the eyes

As the heart aches

So the eye tears

Love is physical yet spiritual

When I say "I Love You"

It is because I feel it deep

In the palpitations of my heart

When I say "I Love You"

It is because I see it in my eyes

That you're my only desire!

TRYING TIMES?

This past few months have been really some trying times for me. I have been struggling in different areas of my life and honestly, it has not been easy. Maybe it was because experience always brings out the best in me.

I've been saddled with the responsibility of talking about book of James for some time now and I was wondering what can I possibly say. Don't get me wrong, I could have easily conjured something up. I just didn't want it to be just another thought of mine. I wanted it to be something that everyone of us can relate with. I think I'm almost at that point now. I believe the time is right now though to put my experience and thoughts into words. Hold on tight.

I remember condemning folks about how disgraceful it was to misrepresent the person of our Lord Jesus Christ. Yes, I did that, in all my impeccable, righteous, "I can never fall" self. I hate to confess it, but, I've also been a disgrace! I've made a fool of His name. I've allowed my self fall into the snare of the enemy by letting the lust of heart take over the desires of God for my life. I've been so selfish and careless.

Then, God, in His everlasting kindness and mercy, gently brought emptiness into my spirit so that I could feel the void created by His absence in my life. I began to feel so sorry that I could not approach Him anymore. In His love, He said to my spirit, "count it all joy when you fall into temptations". I quickly picked up my Bible and turned to the book of James. It was there in James 1:2-3.

Trying times does not only mean financial difficulties, failing health, unsettled marriage etc. Trying times, as I've experienced, are times when we walked astray from God to do our own desires. It is that time when we struggle with our loyalty to Him. A time of standing, falling and standing again. It is such a time when we are of ourselves drawn away by our own lusts just to gratify our flesh. Yes, those are trying times.

Then, it makes me wonder why I should rejoice at such a time. It is clear now to me that a man of experience is a man of patience and wisdom. Overcoming trials makes us patient. We become wise because we have learnt from experience and will be able to relate in wisdom to others as to what their reaction will be. A soldier that has battle scars is the one that can be said to have faced the enemy squarely and triumphed. Yes, that is a man of trial!

Woohoo! I feel like preaching now! Patience is a virtue! Yes! When a man is patient, his decisions are not rash! He is the kind of man that "counts the cost" before reacting. Only that kind of man can be like David, "the heartbeat of God". Only that man can have true joy despite all that has happened to him. Only that man can know what it means to make a mistake and still be a winner. Only that man can say that the Christian race is truly an interesting one.

I'm getting really excited but will hold on in Patience and allow you digest all I've said today. Stay glued to this blog and get your mind blown away by the writings of James!

Discipline, Abuse: What's the difference?

"Daddy pleeease, I won't do it again", Seyi pleaded for her dad to stop beating her. Although there's little her repentant pleas would do, she still had to feed his ego to help her feel some relief. He just always seems to get in fits of anger anytime she falters.

"I brought you into this world and I can take you out of it because you do", her father, Shola, retorted back in anger. And the beatings continue. He seems to get some sort of emotional release by his dastardly act.

"Please have mercy on her, she's just a child, said Wura, Seyi's mother in total grief for the way her husband disciplined their daughter. Each time she tries to shield her daughter's body from the incessant caning by her father, she endures some of those heavy strokes of the cane as a result of Shola's blind rage.

This is usually the scenario in most "disciplinarian" homes in Nigeria where the father is mostly dreaded for his animalistic way of correcting a child's wrongful act.

Child abuse has been taken too lightly from generation to generation. It has even eaten so deep into us that it is counted as part of our culture. We see the barbaric process of beating up a child with any kind of instrument we could lay our hands on as "saving the child's future".

This usually makes children so afraid of us that they end up choosing not to confide their deepest fears or troubles in their parents they rather choose other parties that they feel will not hurt them and most times end up falling victims to such parties.

This brings me back to the story of Seyi and her parents. Seyi's father, Shola, beat her so much for every little mistake and misunderstanding. He was just an outlet for his rage towards any other person including her siblings. It was so much that she began to question her paternity even at the age of six years. She was officially afraid of the almighty father figure in her life.

At the age of eight, something terrible happened to Seyi. Her father's cousin that was staying with them was the only friend she seemed to have. This was because, Uncle Olu, as he is normally addressed, was the only one that was man enough to challenge Shola when he begins his torrential rain of beating on Seyi. He would stand in the way and ensure Shola's beating never got to the hapless girl. He was her angel. Every time he says he had to travel, Seyi's sadness was usually very deep. Her protector was leaving her again. And when he was around, she spent most of the day in his company. She never wanted to leave his side. He meant everything to her.

Then, one fateful day, her constantly short-tempered father and loving and gentle mother was out to work during their holidays. Seyi was in Uncle Olu's company as usual and they were having a nice time talking while her younger ones were somewhere in the compound, playing with other children. After reassuring her and firmly locking the door, Uncle Olu took her dignity. Though she was too young to understand, she was to realise after several years that she was not a virgin. She had been violated and it continued for another seven years. But, it remained her big secret.

She could never confide in her mother because Wura's sole confidant was Shola. And Seyi could not bear the thought of what might happen to her or her angel Uncle Olu if Shola ever got to find out. She had been abused physically, emotionally and decided that she would be strong through it all. And she was. It has been her big secret till the day she decided to confide in me.

When i asked her what she thought might have allowed this, her reply was hinged on the fact that, if she had not been so physically abused by her father, she might have been able to summon the courage to tell her mother. Although she is a stronger woman today, she is a firm believer that physically abusing your children tends to build a wall between you two and can never be for the best. Her prayer is that she never does the same to her children but to be their friends enough that she could scold them and yet be their friends and confidant.

I have also learnt from Seyi's story that beating a child so vigorously in anger for a display of stupidity cannot bring out the best in the child. I always advice that when your child does something wrong, counsel the child and pray for the child as well, because beating doesn't always change a child. In fact, from experience, when you beat a child too much, discipline does not mean a thing to him/her again. We should always seek God's help concerning our children.